Our small-batch survival kits are proudly and lovingly made in Hemel Hempstead.
51.7526° N, 0.4692° W
Food has been a part of Britain's story for decades, if not centuries. Every family, from the highest-born to the meanest peasant, marks its memorable occasions by breaking bread. That's why we want to repair our broken country and guarantee its survival into the shining future of the twentieth century, with our humble, home-assembled meal kits.
Ethically sourced ready meals from the neighboring Sainsburys allows us to support the global economy.
APPROVED BY THE US FOOD AND DRUG ADMINISTRATION
Our story begins in an unassuming garage on the outskirts of Chaulden Retail Park. Here, the individual components of our Brexit Meal Kits are hand-assembled by honest labourers supplied by local Jobcentre. Each worker takes great pride in selecting only the choicest of oven, microwave, and freeze-dried meals to help you work faster, harder, and longer, so that we can earn the precious foreign currency to retake our place at the forefront of the world economy.
The Highest Level of Special
Our working day begins at the crack of dawn. Our labourers walk or cycle to the local supermarkets and foreign food aid assistance centres to scour the aisles for only the tastiest meals. How do we make sure we find the best? Well, some say it's "bribery", but we'd call it salt-of-the-Earth English charm.
Once we've collected our meals, we utilise a proprietary artificial intelligence system* to analyse each of our customer's nutritional requirements and tailor-make the perfect combination of ready meals so you'll be able to outperform your local competition for those precious Euros!
*currently in development, may also rely on unpaid humans
All of our meal kits are shelf-stable for at least three years, so you shouldn't worry if fuel rationing means that your delivery is delayed longer than the usual four weeks. And after all, hunger is the best sauce!
We believe in fostering relationships with local capitalists who share our values and practice maximum privitisation.
WE DONATE £3.50 every month to support our PHS
We're proud to announce that we're partnering with the US Food and Drug Administration to receive Grade-A processed meals – exactly the same quality and freshness as those lovingly provided to the war-torn regions of north Texas. And our trial programmes in the privatisation of all food delivery to schools and hospitals in the PHS (Private Health Service) Platinum-Plus programme have been awarded seven stars by the British government.
10% of all proceeds go to reconstruction efforts in Thurrock following the devastating 2019 blackouts.
To reach the sunlit uplands of the future, we'll need heart, determination, and backbone. That's what drives us every day to help feed the country, and we hope you'll take part in our story by subscribing to our meal kits – because Brexit means BREX IT!